-- The Art Of Forgetting -- Update 9

I took a right out of the automatic sliding doors of the hospital. My heart beat faster and faster, I crossed the street unaware of traffic. Cars stopped, and honked their horns at me. I covered my ears, and kept running. Across from the hospital is the park where Kale and I had first met. Memories filled my head, and kept going around and around. I kept running, until I ran to the tree where he first acknowledged my presence.

My body couldn’t take all the running anymore, my lungs couldn’t fill themselves with air, my heart couldn’t be mended. I slid down the tree trunk, hitting my head against the tree. I dug my nails into the tree, and each one of them broke as I pushed their limits. Tears ran down my cheek.

“Come back Kale! Come back to me please!” I cried, “I can’t live without you, why did you do this to me? Why?” I fell to my side and held on to myself. “Please, please come back...Kale...please,”

From a distance I could hear Nate calling my name, and searching for me. I couldn’t answer him; he would take me away from the one place he still lives. I sat up and ripped out grass from the ground frantically and shoved it into my pockets. I had to preserve our first encounter; I had to keep it alive. Nate spotted me, and sprinted to my side.

“What are you doing?” he bent down on his knees, and put a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m saving Kale.”

“Megan...he’s gone,” he squeezed my shoulder, “you can’t save him.”

“Yes I can!” I screamed at him. At the sound of my tone he flinched. “If I collect all this grass maybe we can meet each other again. I know he will come back, I just know it.”

“Megan!” he turned me to face him and shook my shoulders, “listen to yourself, you sound crazy! Megan he’s dead! He’s not coming back!”

I took a good look at Nate. His eyes were filled with tears, and his eyes were worried. His arms were shaking, and it looked like he could bawl any second now.

“Listen to yourself,” he choked. At that moment, I threw myself into his arms and cried so hard. His arms tightened around my body, and he pulled me into his laps whispering, “it’s going to be fine... it’s going to be fine.”

But I knew nothing was going to be fine anymore. Kale isn’t around to hug me when I need him, to kiss me when I crave it the most, to take me to his cabin where we could camp out all night. The rest of my life is going to be pure hell, and nothing could make it better, nothing.

“Megan are you ready to go?” my mom was standing at my door, with her arms crossed. She was wearing a black dress, with her black hat. Since Kale died, she had been always by my side as I cried and cried. She looked like she aged in a short period of time because of me.

“Yeah in a second,” she nodded, and walked down the hall. I walked over to my mirror, and looked at myself. My hair was hanging loosely at my shoulders, and I looked much thinner than I was before. I had absolutely no make-up on, and now nobody could pin point a smile on my face. I sighed. Before I headed out my door I grabbed the necklace Kale had given me on my birthday. The pendant that was on the silver chain was the letter “K” for Kale. I squeezed on the K and thought of his smile, his gorgeous loveable smile.

“Megan, honey if we don’t leave now we will be late for the funeral,” my mom called. Tears filled my eyes. Today was the funeral, today is the last day I’m going to see him in person. It just pains me to think about this all happened to us. Kids aren’t supposed to die young. We have so much to look forward to, so much we still haven’t done together. It kills me inside to know that the last words I ever said to him were, ‘Talk to me when you’re sober.’ I wonder what he was thinking, when he got into that car and just drove off. I wonder if he died hating me. “Megan, honey please come downstairs.”

“I’m coming,” I was almost out the door when I noticed the picture of Kale and I. It was taken during Spring Break. His arms were wrapped around me, and his cheek was pressed against mine. We were both laughing while looking at the camera. Moments like those, are the ones I miss the most.

Everyone Kale ever knew, ever hung out with was at his funeral. There was absolute no color at his wedding besides the rose petals. There were pictures of him with his friends, with him alone, and with me. Everyone was crying, and hugging each other. Every time I passed someone they respectively bowed, or hugged me telling me everything was going to be fine. Nate was behind me the whole time, following me everywhere I went.

Since Kale died Nate and I seemed to be closer with one another. From that day he saw me shattered by the tree, he always kept a close eye on me. When I would be crying in my room, he would come in with a bowl of ice cream and a box of Kleenex. He was my support system, he always had been and always will be. The last two nights he had spent the night in my room comforting me, and giving me ice cream, and water. I would tell him stories about Kale and I, and he would always say the right thing when needed. He was a better friend than Addison. Lately she has been avoiding me, because of her boyfriend. We hadn’t talked since the party. When Kale passed away she just told me she was sorry and didn’t speak to me after that. I scanned the funeral hall and found her tucked away under Josh’s arm. Some of his other friends were hanging out by the door waiting for the service to begin. Brad was leaning against a pillar with his hands jammed into his pockets. He didn’t have a single speck of emotion on his face. I felt bad for him standing there by himself so I walked over.

“Hey Brad,” I gently touched his arm. His eyes shifted on me, and he smiled. “How’s it going?”

“I’ve been better,” he said, “you?”

“Not so good, after Kale....I haven’t really been sane,” tears started to fill my eyes again, and I stared at the ground.

“Hey...” he put his hands on my arms and started rubbing them, “you’re going to be fine Megan, please don’t cry. You need to be strong for Kale; he would want you to be strong.”

“I just feel terrible about the whole thing.”

“Listen to me Megan. I knew Kale since we were ten, and we have been best friends ever since. When he first met you, he couldn’t get you out of his head. You were always on his mind. He always told me that he loved you, and that he wanted you to be his forever. When you got pissed that night, he felt so disappointed in himself, so he followed you upstairs. After you left he was pissed at himself, and he was headed to your place to apologize. He doesn’t want you to feel terrible; he wants you to be strong for the both of you. I know this next part might sound cheesy but, he will always be in your heart, if not on earth.”

“Thanks, that meant a lot,” I stepped forward and gave him a hug. From behind me Nate put a hand on my shoulder. I turned around he pointed towards my mom who was telling me to come sit beside her. The service was about to begin.

The room went quiet, and Kale’s dad rose from the bench. He slowly made his way to the altar, and tapped on the microphone.

“I want to thank you all for coming to—Kale’s funeral. It would mean a lot to him. Right now he is probably looking over us, and smiling,” he choked, “I honestly don’t know where to start but here it goes...” Kale’s dad stood there in front of everyone talking about Kale, and his life. Telling him how proud he was of him. A couple of more people went up and talked, and finally it was my turn. Shakily I got up from my seat, and walked up to the altar. Everyone’s eyes were on me, I hadn’t prepared anything for today. So I stood there looking at my hands, and sniffled.

“Hi everyone...umm... I would also like to thank you all for coming. Kale always liked it when people came to things which were about him,” Brad laughed, “I honestly have nothing prepared, so I think I am just going to wing it,” I took in a big deep breath, “Kale was special to all of us, in different ways. We all knew he was a son, a friend, a teammate, and a boyfriend...my boyfriend. He played a real special role in my life. He showed me love...something no other person has showed me. He always was the joker in our circle of friends. He sure made me laugh all the time. We had a bunch of good times, and we went through a lot. Sometimes when I looked at him, I saw him more than my best-friend, sometimes I saw him as my soul mate. You’re probably thinking ‘you’re too young to understand that’ well you’re wrong. I’m not. I know he was my soul mate because every time we kissed it felt just like the first one. I am not too young to understand love because Kale showed me love. I loved him and he loved me. Even though he isn’t here right now he would prove to you guys that he loved me.” I put my hands to my face. I had so much more to say, but I couldn’t right now. Not with everyone staring at me. Quickly Nate was by my side; he put his arm around me and walked me back to my seat.

After my few words the casket barriers took him outside, to be buried. Everyone got into a line and held a rose in their hand. One by one everyone placed a rose in his casket. When it was my turn I stood there for a long time looking at his face. He had a scar over his left brow, and there was no expression on his face. My heart yearned for him to wake up, and then lift me into his arms. I went down on both knees, and put my hand to his cheek.

“Please wake up Kale...Kale if you love me you’d wake up,” nothing happened, he just laid their lifeless. I swept my fingers through his sandy blonde hair. “I love you Kale, I just want you to know that. I’m sorry if I had ever given you a hard time. I’m sorry I didn’t say I love you back that night. If you hate me, I understand. I am the reason you’re not here anymore. I just want to let you know that, you’re always going to be on my mind, and I will never be with someone else, but you.” I placed the rose by his cheek. Then leaned forward and kissed is insensible lips. “Bye baby...I love you.”